To Hell with the Mavericks. How ‘Bout them Chaparrals?

If you’re looking for the proper way to lament-ebrate today’s firing of Dallas Mavericks head coach Avery Johnson — who, yes, loses his gig whilst Texas Rangers skipper Ron Washington keeps his, as so many of you have pointed out — look no further than this eBay auction featuring an…

Now, Where Did We Put Our Post-Season Bong?

Brandon Bass. There. Now that I’ve addressed the positives from the Mavericks’ short-circuited post-season, let’s move on to trying to sort out the shit. Get comfy. It starts, of course, with the head coach. Avery Johnson must be fired. Now. Because of his micro-managing, defiant devotion to his blessed “system”…

Yo, Mavs, The End’s Not Near

Yeah, I know. The end is near. The Mavs packed their white flags and vacation itineraries on the flight to New Orleans yesterday. They are six-point underdogs against the Hornets tonight and, according to NBA history, have about a nine percent chance of rallying from down 3-1 to win the…

The Times Wonders, Wither the Mavs? And: T.O. Sued By the Eagles.

Really, the title of Avery Johnson’s new book gets a little funnier every day. Two sports shorts with which to commence the day, before the Dallas Mavericks end it ’round 8:30ish with yet another first-round shalom, y’all. Howard Beck in The New York Times documents yesterday’s Mavs practice that wasn’t…

Of Flagrant Fouls and Shining Stars

After last night’s dichotomous performances by the Mavs and Stars, it appears we’ll be having our spring over ice, thanks. Because while Dallas’ hockey team was dismantling the San Jose Sharks to take a 2-0 series lead, its basketball team put forth one of the most disturbingly ineffective efforts in…

Arm-Chair Managing in the Hours Before Ron Washington’s Fired

It’s less than a month into the baseball season, and the Texas Rangers have already hit rock bottom. Texas is tied with the Washington Nationals for the worst record in the bigs at 7-19, and team president Nolan Ryan is scheduled to meet this weekend with a different Washington (Ron)…

We’re So High on Josh Howard

There’s very little to say about this lengthy clip from today’s episode of The Michael Irvin Show on ESPN-FM 103.3, during which Dallas Mavericks forward Josh Howard addressed this article that appeared over the weekend. Because, really, it’s no biggie. So, sure, the Mav went on the air and admitted…

Mocking The Draft

Prepare for the most overrated, underwhelming non-event in all of sports. No, not another ho-hum Rangers’ loss. It’s the NFL Draft, also known as the most overdone entity this side of Mel Kiper’s hair helmet. It’s a day when dork draftniks like Kiper and Gil Brandt and Norm Hitzges and…

It’s Time for Mavericks Coach Avery Johnson to Deliver

The supportive mid-season shirt: “Avery’s Team.” The distressed post-season edict: “Avery’s Time.” It’s time. Time for Dallas Mavericks head coach Avery Johnson to deliver. Time for his precious system and his hand-picked players to win a championship, a series or, at this point, a couple of playoff road games. Time…

We Could Use Some Baseball. Alas, All We Got Are the Rangers.

I’m sure you’ll be shocked to learn that for the second time this week the Rangers got tattooed before you took your afternoon smoke break. Today it was a tidy 8-2 ditty in Detroit, during which Rangers pitchers surrendered five walks and five homers and Rangers hitters produced 10 strikeouts…

Sports Notes Almost as Long as An 11-Run Sixth Inning

You did know FC Dallas was undefeated, no? Well, then, there ya go. Brought to you by the good folks who sometimes give you Monday Morning Meanderings: As noted this a.m., The Cowboys finally acquired Adam “Pacman” Jones for a fourth-round draft choice. Bitch and moan all you want about…

Wakka Wakka Wakka

In The Tennessean this a.m., they’re bidding good riddance to one Adam “Pacman” Jones — “the biggest mistake in franchise history,” though of which franchise do they write, the Tennessee Titans or the Dallas Cowboys? Because late yesterday evening, word came down that Dallas had, at last, traded for the…

The Beginning Of The End

Why can’t the Mavs’ coach take his own damned advice? On second thought, Dirk Nowitzki shouldn’t have turned the other cheek. He should’ve hauled off and cold-cocked David West during last Saturday’s Game 1. Or, at least, put him in a headlock and bludgeoned his nose Nolan Ryan-style. That way,…

A Whoozie to the Whatsis?

Till there’s fresh meat, courtesy tonight’s Mavs-Hornet’s Game 2 tipoff set for 6 p.m. , plenty of folks are still gnawing on Saturday night’s leftovers. The question remains, apparently: Should Dirk Nowitzki have socked David West, after the Hornet stung Dirk with a love tap, or did he do the…