Worst to First

We can hide it no longer: Some of us at Unfair Park have an enormous man-crush on Tony Romo. There. We feel so much better. That’s the unique challenge for your Dallas Cowboys as they upgrade from playing the one-win Cardinals to the no-loss Colts Sunday at Texas Stadium. I…

David 2, Goliath 0

Who’s the second-best QB in the NFL. Guess. And it’s not Drew Bledsoe, whoever he is. Two names I just know you didn’t expect to see atop the charts: Borat and Romo. But, alas, here they sit. The reporter from Kazakhstan is still the No. 1 movie in the U.S…

Strong Arm? We Shall See.

The Rangers want this man on their team next year. So do half a dozen other MLB teams. So, bye-bye, Daisuke. It woulda been swell. Some random sports notes before Richie wakes up: The Newberg Report’s Mike Hindman sends word this a.m. that “the Seibu Lions will hold a board…

Football vs. Futbol

Richie would rather watch these guys Sunday and not Your Dallas Cowboys. At least these guys are supposed to keep their hands off the ball, eh, Terrell? Last night I was lucky enough to rub elbows with Cowboys named Rayfield Wright and Tony Romo at a fancy-schmancy shindig up at…

Romo-phobia

Brace yourself, Tony Romo also has a publicist. But unlike Li’l Kim Etheredge, Terrell Owens’ monstrosity of a mouthpiece, Vivian Fullerlove doesn’t smack her gum, use her client’s salary as a grossly misguided punch line or, from all indications, get her hair did at Salon de Katrina. In fact, Fullerlove…

If Only the Rangers Tried This Hard On the Field

A lawsuit stemming from this ugly incident in Oakland in 2004 is so nasty it makes this photo of the brawl look almost quaint. This almost unbelievable item comes to Unfair Park courtesy our sister paper in Oakland, the East Bay Express, which today breaks the news that a lawsuit…

Coulda Been Worse

Yeah, Your Dallas Cowboys suffered a gut-wrenching loss to the Washington Redskins on Sunday. But look on the bright side: You could’ve drowned your sorrows in 11 pitchers of beer, hopped behind the wheel, sideswiped a guardrail and been issued a DUI prosecuted by none other than the kin of…

Mavs Can’t Win a Damned Thing

If you thought things weren’t going well at Reunion Arena last night, check out how triple poorly they went at the American Airlines Center, where the Maverics unveiled the Western Conference Championship banner. Kind of. Sort of. This was just before Don Nelson’s Golden State Warriors took the Mavs’ lunch…

The Terrell of Peril

This one, for a change, isn’t on Bill Parcells. Oh, sure, there were the idiotic decision to go for a two-point conversion in the second quarter, undisciplined players who committed 11 penalties and the ridiculously transparent ploy of running a draw on second-and-10 every friggin’ time. But, no, the Cowboys’…

Washington Monument

Ron Washington is the new manager of Your Texas Rangers. He’ll be introduced during a press conference today. Well, not yet. For now, it’s simply Washington, manager. Before we roast the Cowboys for all they do wrong, let’s take a minute to congratulate–surprise!–Your Texas Rangers. Instead of half-assing his way…

Eye on The Balls

You probably can’t tell, but this is Your Favorite Dallas Maverick. But one bit of advice, Ben and Skin: Remember Ticket TV? No? Just sayin’, fellas. Look sharp. Don Nelson won’t return to the American Airlines Center until Monday. Unfortunately, his style of basketball arrived Thursday night. In a hideous…

Stern Warning

So, Mark Cuban’s made peace with NBA commish David Stern…not. (Really, I should not have seen Borat four times already…not. Damn it.) You know why Cuban’s mad now, don’t you: Stern’s new league-wide rule that prohibits team owners from going on the floor during the game or joining in team…

Morning Motivation

All you gotta do around here is listen and, just through osmosis, you’ll learn how to win Cy Young Awards, re-write recent history and, come Monday, be absolutely perfect. Roger Clemens stopped in Dallas today to speak at the SMU Athletic Forum. Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells is now chirping…

A Banner Night?

Tonight the Dallas Mavericks take the first step of what they hope is an eight-month journey to the NBA Championship. Dirk Nowitzki will resume his climb to MVP. Avery Johnson will continue to preach “basket-BAWL.” Tim Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs will again provide the major obstacle. And, of…

Puck You

So, you wanna piece of Marty Turco? Have a seat. Down the hall, hang a left into the Dallas Stars players’ lounge. Back there, past the P.F. Chang’s spread and the Super Chexx bubble hockey game. Go ahead, plop down in one of those plush black leather chairs. Kick back…

Happy on the Hell-Top

Roger Clemens is coming to SMU. So too, probably, is an NCAA soccer championship. But a football bowl bid? To our lil’ SMU? Crazy as it sounds, yep. Well, maybe. OK, possibly. Clemens, the 11-time All-Star and seven-time Cy Young Award-winning pitcher, will be tomorrow’s guest speaker at the SMU/GTE…

Merry Christmas!

Will Dirk suck or blow this season? Neither, of course. Odds are good he’ll be the NBA’s MVP. Good, not great. Yeah, yeah. Happy Halloween. Whatever. Tonight’s the night we get to unwrap a brand spankin’ new NBA season. If karma is has a heart, in eight shorts months our…

Ship Happens

Tony Romo’s either The One or just the next one, but either way we’ll savor this Sunday till the next one. OK, in deference to last week’s faux fiasco, that headline is a typo. But, gulp, after watching Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo last night in Carolina, he might not…

Pity Parcells

Bill Parcells may be an asshole, but he’s a complicated, self-torturing and very likely depressed asshole. Which has to count for something. Countless times–well, just three, actually–Richie Whitt’s called Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells an “asshole” on Unfair Park. Got no problem with that. From the far outside looking in,…

Who Owns “America’s Team”?

How this lawsuit slipped past the offensive line is beyond me; maybe Flozell Adams and Marc Colombo let it through, like everybody else trying to sack whoever’s under center for Your Dallas Cowboys. But on October 16, the Dallas Cowboys and NFL Properties filed a federal suit in the Northern…

Wash Your Balls

Mark Cuban’s got a fresh posting over at BlogMaverick concerning the new NBA balls, and we don’t mean rookies. Looks like he had the University of Texas at Arlington physics folks look at both the new and old basketballs to see which one was better. Cuban has his own thoughts…

The Cowboys Smell a Rat

And, for once, it ain’t T.O. Dallas’ Only Daily has two fascinating Cowboys-related tales today, one featuring Terrell Owens and the other inviting punch lines about the volatile receiver’s alter ego. On a semi-serious note, a special advertising section insert (for the life of me I can’t find it online)…