How to begin? Well, that’s what I’m writing about, isn’t it? Where to begin, how to end. I put up with this stuff from my dogs every day. I walk three of them—Otto, my 900-pound Weimaraner; Skeeter, my son’s seriously bloated toy fox terrier; and Dottie, my mother-in-law’s 900-year-old border…
Note to readers: The following is a serious, stat-saturated column. I promise more dwarf- and Dirty Sanchez-related questions next week! Dear Mexican, A recent study by the Pew Hispanic Center reveals the following: ·Hispanics are four times more likely than non-Hispanics to receive welfare. ·Hispanics account for three-quarters of the…
It took about five minutes for this much of The Dallas Morning News’ crap Web site to load. Seriously. Five minutes. Sure, ours ain’t the best either, but at least it loads…most of the time. I have been trying to focus my thoughts on why the new Dallas Morning News…
At some point today, somebody at D will say Jim’s lying abut the Trinity River project. And we will act oh-so-surprised. For a sickening example of local kiss-up media carrying water for the Trinity River gang, please read today’s story at the top of The Dallas Morning News metro front,…
Dear Mexican, My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of…
Dear Mexican, Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into the music, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. It’s not the first…
First, the big news, the part that has to do with you. In 1998 you were told the Dallas taxpayers’ share of the Trinity River Project was $246 million and would never go higher. What I don’t think anybody has told you since then is that under Dallas Mayor Laura…
Talk about mixed emotions. Here I am a Democrat. We just swept the county. Why don’t I feel better? I’ll tell you why: Laura Miller. Last week I drove out of the basement of City Hall with my heart in my shoes. I’d just finished an hour and 45 minutes…
I know exactly what the election results are going to be: the biggest, most amazing Republican majority ever, bigger than the best majority Jimmy Hoffa ever got in a Teamsters election. I think the Republicans will all win by 100 percent to zero. I also don’t think you’ll be hearing…
You know what former Observer columnists don’t like? Being called glib and duplicitous by current Observer columnists. Mayor Laura Miller and I sat down yesterday for what became a quite rancorous hour-and-45 minute interview in the mayor’s conference room at City Hall. I’d describe a lot of it as the…
I hated giving this kid rides home, not because I was afraid of his neighborhood—maybe I was a little—but more because after we put him out of the car and drove off, my heart sank, as if we had just left a naked infant alone on an ice floe. It…
Dear Mexican, A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don’t believe that. Can you “spread” some light on the subject? Dear Gabacho, Dear Handsome Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend’s argument by referring her to…
You know who doesn’t support the bond election? Guess. C’mon. Guess. My phone lines and e-mail have been burning all morning with messages from North Dallas types not quite able to believe what they found in their mail yesterday. It’s a slick, color fold-out piece from District 13 city councilmember…
Dear Mexican, It’s hard out here for a brotha! First, we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with the freakin’ Mexican invasion. Now I see why whites fretted over seeing their neighborhoods turn dark when Cleophus and…
Maybe Katrina will save Dallas. All we need is a leader willing to put human lives and safety ahead of real estate deals and decorative bridges. Please let me know if you spot anybody like that within 10 miles of City Hall. Last Friday in Chicago, a panel of engineering…
I failed to get on the elevator fast enough to avoid a big gross-out scene at City Hall this afternoon. Yuck! I was subjected to witnessing big hugs in the hallway between city staffers and the developer they had just helped beat the mayor on a tax cut deal. I’m…
You know what scares Tony Goolsby more than a Democrat? A lot of Democrats. I spoke this morning at a meeting of the Norwood Republican Women’s Club at the Fretz Park Library in North Dallas. I decided not to use my usual canned speech (“All Republican Congressmen are members of…
So once in a while I don’t get something just perfectly right-on, 100 percent gold-plate correct. So, sue…uh, cancel that. In a case where I have been less than totally right I need to provide…well, I’m still not going to call it a correction…elaboration. I’m not talking about actual factual…
Dear Mexican, I have very, very light skin because of my Scandinavian heritage. Around Halloween, someone asked me if it was white-face makeup. Why is it that Mexican men find my pallor so fascinating? –Fair Maiden Dear Gabacha, BECAUSE YOU’RE WHITE. Mexicans love gabachos even though you’ve fucked our country…
Dear Mexican, How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources, that suffered a devastating war of four years that included two atom bombs yet has reached the highest in educational achievements, technological advancements and…
On the evening of Friday, September 29, an eight-page, single-spaced memo went out from the office of the Dallas city manager to all members of the city council warning them about inquiries into the Trinity River project being made by “members of the media, mainly print reporters who have closely…
Dear Mexican, I once got into a fight with a cholo. We beat the crap out of each other, but when all was said and done, I kicked his ass harder than he kicked mine, and the cholo ran off swearing and spitting. I assumed the matter was settled, but…
